I was on my way to New York when I discovered a crumpled paper in my pocket. I unfolded the note and smirked. The trembling handwriting read:
– You will work in New York.
– You will dance.
– You will speak and write English fluently.
I smiled because I wrote down my goals on a coffee receipt before leaving Portugal. I smiled because I fulfilled them all.
Twenty months ago I left Portugal. Not only did I leave Portugal but I also left my family, my friends and my friends that became family. There were several reasons why I decided to pack my large pink suitcase and to say goodbye to everything and everyone I loved. Among the many reasons of wanting to come to the United States the most important of all was my happiness. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t feel professionally fulfilled. Dancing and travelling no longer filled the void that was deteriorating me.
Inside the drawer of my night stand was my American passport. My soul carried the curiosity to know more about the world. In my head I knew I could build my future, and focus on my career and blossom into the person that I need to be, but finding a job in your area of study in Portugal is extremely difficult and many Portuguese immigrants leave the country due to the lack of professional employment. Time was passing and my frustration increased and the smile on my face disappeared, I needed to make a change.
I lost myself in hopes and promises. And on a random day I changed my path.
In December of 2015 I decided that I would immigrate to the United States. I prepared a short, frontal and determined speech. My family was the first target, then my friends and finally the three entities that I was working for. No one discouraged me. No one. And that’s love, letting the people we love go when they fight for themselves.
Four months later I was boarding the plane and on my way to the United States. I said goodbye to everyone. EVERYONE! Even if they didn’t want farewells or the “last” hug. The truth is that I didn’t know when I would see them again. (Neither me nor you, no one knows when it’s the last time we see, hug or kiss someone.) So I was selfish, I didn’t care about the tears and sadness that weighed my soul, I just needed to say goodbye. I did what gave me comfort, even though it was difficult and terribly painful.
I circulated three diaries, within friends and family and asked them to fill the pages with messages, dedications and photographs. I asked them to write something that would calm my heart when the emptiness left me helpless. In the right index I put a ring that symbolizes friendship. I hung two necklaces on my neck that my parents gave me. I don’t separate myself from these ornaments for nothing. And if for some reason I take them off, I feel naked and lonely. The truth is that it calms me down when I play with the ring and I feel my parents close when I hold the pendants.
The pink suitcase, the three diaries, the ornaments and I set out on an uncertain, frightening and unreturned journey. Moved by a courage that I didn’t know I had and by an incomprehensible instinct. While I was waiting for takeoff I scribbled on a receipt the goals to achieve in the USA and saved it in my right coat pocket.
In the USA I was welcomed by my uncles and cousins who accommodated and helped me. I owe all the success of this journey to them. I started working as a bartender, with no prior experience and rusty English. I learned the basics in two weeks, clarified the doubts that arose me and googled what I didn’t know. There were several times when I pretended to know what the costumer was asking, even if I had no idea what those words meant.
Here they speak the English that is heard in the movies, but without subtitles. They speak fast, they use slang, diminutives and typical expressions.
On the first night working as a bartender I made $300 in tip, I remember sitting on the bed straightening the bills. I got two envelopes, put all the money inside and sent it to Portugal.
Nine months I worked in the bar and after sending dozens of resumes I got a job as an assistant, in a real estate company in Jersey City. This profession allowed me to develop a professional, careful and specific language. I committed myself to do my best, to show that I was capable and studied. Months later the company partnered with a businessman, owner of several buildings and the expanded the office. I was promoted only four months after being hired. This allowed me to buy a car and rent an apartment on my own.
My job was to give full support to all our tenants, 110 in total, organize events and advertise the rooms available for rent. I was able to demonstrate my creativity, versatility and responsibility. I gained experience at an opportunity never before provided. I was happy, until the partnership broke down. The company that hired me ceased to exist and I was unemployed.
For one day.
All the work developed has left a trace. The endless hours, the sacrifice of working on Christmas Day and the emergencies that left me sleepless, were worth it. When the partnership dissolved the business contacted me and I was hired by a New York company. With the same position, same responsibilities and the same salary. I could still work from home or wherever I want, as long as the work is done.
Guess What? From the window of our office I see the Empire State Building and that makes me smile. I look at the sky and I hold the necklaces that adorn my neck.
Today I am happy. Far away from home, but much closer to myself. And when the time comes I will go home, because I’m ready.
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