Peter Pan

I woke up in the middle of the night with the certainty that I wasn’t alone. I felt your presence as before.  Once again, you appear uninvited.

You bring the music that once united us and encouraged us to create memories. The melody whispers through the living room window, as if the wind hummed our reunion. It filled every corner of my small apartment, and as it approached my ear, I saw you.

The moonlight gives you dimension and shadow. I would recognize your presence among thousands of shadows, smells and laughters. Even if always and forever separates us, we’ve already been one. One day we belonged to each other, unaware that one day we would be individuals belonging to other people, different than you and I. One day there was love. An innocent, free and raw love. As hot as the sun, as addictive as drugs, as fragile as life. A love that died, never forever.

Maybe that’s why you’re here.

I couldn’t speak. Although this is my stage, it was not my time to perform. Our music no longer hangs in the air, as if someone else had picked up the vinyl needle and paused at this moment. You sketch a smile and stretch your left hand toward me.

I hesitate.

You come closer.

As if I had been pushed, I rush desperately to you. My black satin robe flutters in slow motion through the air. I put my hand on yours, you embrace my waist with your right arm and we look at each other with joy. Under the moonlight, in the silence and in the kitchen, we danced.

I close my eyes, rest my head on your chest and let you lead me. Time has stopped, the world has stopped. Nothing else exists, only this dance that makes us levitate to the starry sky. Exactly like Sebastian and Mia in La La Land.

So fanciful … So imaginary … A chimera…

This is not real…

This is not real!

Like a thunderbolt that strikes me, I take my head off your chest and free myself from you. I look around, spinning through space, confused and miserable.

You disappear. With no farewells and carrying no blame.

In a free fall I spiraled down to the kitchen. And before I could crash myself against the white tile, I woke up. Frightened and breathless. Drops of sweat covered my forehead and my heart was pounding faster than ever. Outside it was raining heavily, there was no moonlight or music.

Frightened and breathless. Drops of sweat covered my forehead and my heart was pounding faster than ever. Outside it was raining heavily, there was no moonlight or music.

I catch my breath, sitting on the edge of the bed. I put on my black-haired slippers and splashed my face with cold water. As the drops rushed down my face and neck, I looked at the mirror and in a conscious breath I uttered:

“I don’t want you here. Enough! “As if someone on the other side of my reflection watched me and listening.

I went back to bed and stared into the darkness:

“It was a nightmare, sleep.” I whispered to myself.

But I couldn’t sleep.

I stabbed my nails into the pillow and as hard as the rain fell outside, I cried. I cried with desire, repulsion, love and hate. I cried until the tears dried.

And without fear of dreaming again, I cried until I fell asleep.