Backstage

Day by day I could feel her giving up. I no longer knew what to do for her.

Lying in the dark, she examined emptiness, lull herself to sleep, and in the morning stood at the bedroom window. With her arms tangled on the wood, she memorized that landscape, for minutes, never to forget.

Apathetic, pensive and depressed she ignored the hours of the day, worked with a forced smile and when we drove home she fell into an agonizing and distressed cry. At the front door of her house, she wiped away the tears and waited for her eyes to regain their regular color and size. I tried to cheer her up, making her remember happy and silly moments, but in vain:

– “Alice, that’s enough. Not now. – Tired, she said.

This is all my fault, I know. But she deserves so much more, so many times she told me! She belongs to this immense world, perfect for a woman like her. Her soul was striving for new places, experiences and loves. She wanted to fly and dream, but she lacked the courage. I was not going to be a spectator of the death of this soul, I refused to see her disappear! For all this, one day, when she was fragile and distracted I bought a one-way ticket to the USA. She froze, felt a tightness in her heart, swallowed the pain and didn’t spoke to me again.

When the day came, she lost her strength. She cried in public and to fall asleep. Several times she woke up gasping for air. Several times I found her sprawled on the beach drinking starlight. It was time to leave behind everything that left her, too, comfortable.

Lost she was dragging herself to the boarding gate, went to the bathroom, and when she looked at herself in the mirror she saw me:

 – “You’re not alone, I’m here. We are going together, you ready? –  I whispered.

She nodded, looked at the floor, and raised her head.

Even today there are difficult days, but she is strong. You would be amazed at the strategies she invents to keep herself together.

When we got on that plane, I brought the best memories of those who love her and wish her close. And when her courage fails, she leans back and I wrap her heart around a movie of fun memories, about worthwhile friends and future dreams. She smiles and we fall asleep in peace, side by side.
It was the best decision I made for her, and for us.